Life's Better When You Build Your Future Online ยป START HERE!

Well, after sitting through a swag of webinar launches that seem to happen after New Years … I decided to make my own (satirical) anti-sales pitch version for your amusement…

Funny thing is, there are some useful points in there – somewhere. LOL

Watch the video:

There’s also a PDF of the script, or an Audio version if you want.

Or… you can just read the rest of this post!

Whichever way you wish to consume… Just enjoy it ๐Ÿ™‚

No optin needed… despite what I said in the video LOL

Stephen Spry

“The Unknown Internet Marketer”


My “Anti” Sales Pitch!
Welcome and remember – be exciting and SMILE all the way through – TICK.
1. Address Main Pain Points of potential customers – TICK.
2. Say things in THREES – cos that’s better! – TICK.
3. Run a “live” webinar (fake it if you have to) – TICK.
4. Get people to say “YES” if you can – anyhow you can, and often – TICK.
5. Promise a REPLAY of the “training” – TICK.
6. Personalise it as much as possible – use names – TICK.
7. Don’t rush – you’re here for 90 mins – TICK.
8. Interesting new tactic – sign people up “live” to FB group – TICK.
9. But you have to actually be “live” to do that – TICK.
10. Try to be humourous! – TICK.
11. Tell your “story” – TICK.
12. Show lots of piccies about how great the lifestyle is – TICK.
13. If I can do it – anyone can – TICK.
14. Promise a “roadmap” that shows EVERYTHING you did – step by step – TICK.
15. Ask for another “YES” – TICK.
16. Use the term “training “often – TICK.
17. Promise a bonus for hanging around till the end – TICK.
18. Tell them your “problem” – TICK.
19. Say things in threes again – very important! – TICK.
20. Tell them you discovered your “secret” – TICK.
21. Make it SIMPLE – TICK.
22. Ask for another “YES” That makes THREE – Woohoo! – TICK.
23. Don’t forget the obligatory “earnings disclaimer” – TICK.
24. Use bullet points – a lot – TICK.
* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
25. Make them like you – TICK.
26. Surprise Bonus number 1 – TICK.
27. Even more “Surprise” bonuses of course – TICK.
28. Play with the value pricing – TICK.
27. Reduce the price and repeat the whole package – several times TICK.
26. Be a nice guy and announce your “rock bottom” price of just under $2000 – TICK.
27. Use to word “investment” in there too – TICK.
28. Offer payment terms to get even MORE money from the suckers – TICK.
29. Throw in an unbelievable fast action bonus
which sounds super impressive for the first 5 people – TICK.
30. Use the word “enroll” somewhere in your spiel – TICK.
31. Display a Countdown Timer – TICK.
32. Talk for another 60 minutes – TICK.
* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
* Reinforce an earlier Bullet point.
* Repeat this Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
* Reinforce another Bullet point.
33. Ask for another YES just to make sure – TICK.
34. At the end, grab their details to spam them with unrelated offers later – TICK.
35. Check your PayPal account for all the sales you made! Woohoo! TICK.
35. Go to the pub and celebrate TICK.


Well hello everyone, I’m just another “The Unknown Internet Marketer” and today I wanted to tell you all about the great new course I’m launching which is figuratively going to solve ALL your problems by the time you’ve finished hearing about it here today! And the GREAT thing about this course is that it is done entirely online, by you, and in your own time!!!

So if you’re attending my live webinar today, let me know if you’re excited about being here by entering a big “YES” “YES” “YES” in the comment box below… And just to let you know, I WILL post a replay of this webinar shortly… just so you don’t miss out on any of the great, valuable and wonderful, totally FREE training I am making available for you here today!

Wow! I can see a whole heap of “yeses” from all sorts of people. Hi to Jasper, Alina, Kevin, and of course Niklas (dammit how’d he get back in) – How are you mate? Yeah… Yeah… Yeah… Good to see you here – again hahaha – too (not!)

Look guys, I’ll try to waste a bit more time now by running through a few more of the names here just to try to personalise this webinar a little bit more!

Because it’s really, really great having you all here today, and I am so looking forward to… What? What? What? Oh damn… baaahhhhh… it seems the webinar comment tool is playing up! Wow! That’s just great hey. Look, I’ll tell you what – let’s all head on over to my brand new Facebook Mastermind Group at “WasteEvenMoreTime” and sign up there… seems that we’ll have to use that to post comments instead ๐Ÿ™‚ Ha Ha Ha Never mind!

Look – problem solved. See – that’s how I roll! Just deal with the issues and move right along! So make sure you say HI in the group so we can make sure you are there now ๐Ÿ™‚

Yep Yep Yep Everyone there? Good. There you go! Hi. Again! Yeah… ah… great, great, great! Yeah! And Nicklas has made it too – terrific!

And that proves of course that we really are live! ๐Ÿ™‚ Cos now we’ll all be able to see the real-time comments and questions as they come in! HAHAHAHA

Anyway by now, we’re hopefully about 15 minutes in and so far we’ve wasted all this time and look, I haven’t really told you anything about anything yet, so I better get started I suppose hahaha

But look, before we DO that… I first better get a bit serious – cough – I better tell you all about my “journey”, and how I went from being a totally unemployed nobody, to making 6 figures in an unbelievable timeframe! Would you believe that? Ohhh!

And look now I live the lifestyle you suckers all yearn for! LOL So I’ll spend the next 20 minutes or so on this great “training” webinar, showing you lots and lots of piccies of this house, that holiday house over there, that fast car, and this is the fast car my wife wants too I reckon, and of course the cruises and holidays that my gorgeous family and kids would love to take all the time- to demonstrate to you today – right here – that it IS all possible, especially once you know the right people to rent these from for the photo-shoot! HaHaHaHa.

Oh, look, look, I mean, if I can do it, ANYONE can! Yeah Yeah Yeah. Look, this IS the lifestyle and YOU? You can have it all of course!

So let me show you HOW I did it all… and introduce you to my “Roadmap to Riches!”

Yes, I am going to demonstrate on this FREE training session exactly HOW I achieved becoming an overnight success, and if that’s something you want, just say “YES” “YES” “YES” in the comment box, on Facebook, in my “exclusive” mastermind group… and I’ll show you my complete Roadmap!

Oh look, that’s great! Oh, Rodney says “Yes AWESOME”. “Awesome!” And so do a whole heap of other people like Candice and Mahmoud and more so I should also call out all their names as well! Hi guys! It’s so good to see all you suckers here on my training session today!

And just as a reminder, if you hang around right to the very end of this presentation, you’ll get a free bonus from me for simply sharing your time with me cos I am so wonderful!!! All you will need to do is simply tell me your name and email address, and I’ll post it off to you and email you till the end of time!

OK? So how’s that? Sounds good? Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep!

So – what IS my secret story all about – what is this secret “roadmap” all about?

Well… let me tell you a bit more of my story, and how I discovered the secret what was holding me back for quite some time!

You see… I was stuck! I was stuck on trying to work out what all the “chicanery” was about… and I knew it was essential – essential – absolutely ESSENTIAL to master the gibberish, master the jibber-jabber, and twaddle that I needed, to overcome everything. I had to master all that to become the huge 6-figure success that I am now online!

And then one day it – it – it was just… revealed to me! No more mumbo-jumbo! I had found the holy grail of double talk! And my wife, would you believe, she was over the moon with ecstasy!

And today, I want to show you how I took all that claptrap, and with a little bit of persistence, cleared up the gobbledygook, and made it so simple to understand that ANYONE can do it and make the same type of money that I did!

So if that’s something you want to know about – I tell you what, it IS! – so make sure you say “YES” “YES” “YES” in the comments below…

Oh look, that’s terrific!!! Just look at all those yeses coming in again! God, I’m good!

Naturally, naturally, look I’ve got to get serious for a second… I can’t make any promises that you’ll earn as much as I have with my simple step-by-step system. I mean, look seriously, if you just got it and did NOTHING, well then you wouldn’t earn anything at all, will you? And look, what worked for me may very well not work for you!

But… you know…

Heck, good old life is a bit of a gamble at times, but hey, you fail – remember – you FAIL if you don’t give it a try don’t you!!! Ha Ha Yeah that’s it! Gotta give it a go!

So look, here’s how I did it… and I’m going to show you a whole heap of semi-unrelated bullet points over the next 35 minutes or so that may or may not be vaguely related to anything that I am trying to teach you… but they are all pain points, so by the time we’re done here, you’ll feel that I am such a great guy since I reckon I can help you solve them all with my great system!

And WHEN you get this today, I’m also going to throw in a really great “surprise” bonus that will absolutely knock your socks off. And it’s normally $497 all by itself, but today YOU get it just signing up!

And because I am such a good guy, I am also going to include Surprise Bonuses #2, Surprise Bonus #3, there’s Surprise Bonus #4, 5, 6 AND don’t forget Surprise Bonus number 7! Now it’s a DOOZY!

Wow! I tell you what… Now if you were to buy all these separately, oohhh look it would cost you an arm and a leg somewhere around $4999! But today… No No – not today! How much do you think YOUR investment is going to be?

Not that, that’s for sure, because look, even though I could easily give this away on any street corner for just half that @ $2498.50… I’m not going to do that either!

Look look… Just let’s recap on what I have for you today… that would be my exclusive “Roadmap to Riches”, and the super surprise bonus #1, super surprise bonus # 2, super surprise bonus # 3…. 4, 5,ย 6 and don’t forget #7 – now #7 would probably easily be worth $2498.50 all by itself

But look I know that’s just far too much!

I KNOW how hard it is to struggle financially when you are first starting out online.

So I will simply knock off ANOTHER huge discount as long as you promise to write me a testimonial! Yep – when you’ve finished the whole training, simple write me a testimonial and I’ll let you have the COMPLETE course and all the bonuses (yep – ALL those surprise bonuses numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, AND don’t forget bonus #7) for the absolute, rock bottom price of just $1999 today!

Wow! What DO you reckon about that? Pretty cool hey!

Just click on the link below to secure your place and all of your fabulous bonuses, RIGHT NOW!

And look, I know not everyone has got the ready cash to invest in something like this straight up!

And so for you people who are really skint and possibly can’t afford my course, you still CAN sign up today and when you do, I’ll even give you my “skint” bonus as well!

And your little investment right now is just a measly $199 a month for the next 12 months! That’s certainly a much more affordable option for you, isn’t it?

And it gets you started on building your future, right NOW!

Just click that link, and let’s do it!

Now I better quickly rush over this bit, because if you do the math, you’ll see I am actually making you pay about $400 more for the privilege of extending terms to you, and to be honest I am not sure if the Consumer Affairs department actually allows me to do this and charge you more under those circumstances…)

But really, what IS that worth to you? It’s only a couple of coffees every day for a year! And think of how healthy you’ll be by the end of the year after giving up 700 coffees! Seriously!

But look – I digress… I mean really, what price IS your future, when you get my exclusive “Roadmap to Riches” to show you just the ONE very important step I was missing. The ONE thing that was holding me back from becoming a success!

And it’s all done for you! It’s THE Roadmap. Simply blindly follow it! Start at Step 1 and take all the steps to the end of Step 2. And that’s all you need to do! I can’t make it any easier than that!

And if you enrol in my course now, I’ll give you the fast action bonus of my entire template file – every single document I have ever used to make money online!

You won’t have to strain any of your own grey matter or any of your own brain cells, because it’s all there, DONE FOR YOU! Just copy! Paste! Bang! You’re set!

Now, what would THAT bonus be worth to you?

Easily another $999 maybe, but I think it’s absolutely PRICELESS! However, it IS only available to the first 5 people who click that special link below in the next 60 minutes!!!

So that means I best go over the whole thing again to clarify it for any of the fence sitters for the next sixty minutes, because some silly bugger started displaying a countdown clock for that “fast action bonus”… so here we go all over again!….

And by the way, if you fell asleep earlier, hopefully, you’ll wake up refreshed and feel like buying my great “system” as I go through the details this time. So here we go…

* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.

Hey… Has anyone got any coffee for me? I’m never gonna get through this without one!

* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.

What about a smoke??? What? Can’t smoke here? Sheesh… I mean what’s the go with that, it’s only a sound studio! Don’t all muso’s smoke anyway? Where do they have one???

* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.

So how come I could have a coffee in the studio?

* Bullet point.
* Bullet point.
And 59 minutes and 50 seconds later…

Oh! Our time is up, so thanks again everyone for coming today, and I was so pumped to have you here! I hope you got some really valuable insights from your free training today ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s great to see so many people are still… here…

Oh dear… Ooops… I almost forgot the bonus I promised for staying with me to the end hahahha! So… just enter your details below, and I’ll send you a PDF of the main points I made today in your free training, and a link so you can watch the replay! How’s that?

Sounds good hey! Just put YES in that comment box below so I know you are still here ๐Ÿ™‚

So, don’t forget to do that right now, so I’ll leave this up on the screen for another 10 minutes just in case you type really slowly. And I better keep on talking for that time too, because I really want to stretch this out to the full 90 minutes just because someone said that is the perfect length for any training webinar!

Even though goldfish only have a 3-second attention span – and so do humans… Oh Well…

The End! Oh, wait! Sorry LOL Hang on… There’s more… No – no steak knives. But maybe you’d like to download the script I used for this?

Then just fill out the form below (if there is one) and I’ll send it to you! Or go visit my website – it’ll be there somewhere…

And at the same time, I can tell you about the new course I am about to launch…
To help you get Your Brilliant Idea online!

Stephen Spry

Resources Used in the production of this video…

  • All the recent “launches” I’ve studied over the last few weeks… seriously when will they ever… Oh never mind! It’s been going on for years!
  • My natural sarcasm for the humour – no apologies needed
  • Audacity for audio recording and editing
  • Samson for the great microphone
  • MS Word for text entry and editing
  • Content Samurai (get a free trial) used for video/slide production and sequencing
  • My FB friends for their helpful “sharing” of my “anti” video!
  • And all their friends for reporting – sorry reposting – it too โ˜บ
  • And of course, my mum for sending me to speech lessons when I was 9!

This presentation is Copyright ยฉ Stephen Spry, and contains images that were used under a Creative Commons License. Click here to see the full list of images and attributions.

Stephen Spry

Well, this is where I'm supposed to say how great I am :) So if you didn't know that already... In a nutshell, I've been online full-time since 1995 as a web designer and publisher. I am now a "digital nomad" enjoying life on the road in Australia, and bringing you this great training as I travel!!!

This Post Has One Comment

  1. “Heck, good old life is a bit of a gamble at times, but hey, you fail – remember – you FAIL if you don’t give it a try don’t you!!! Ha Ha Yeah that’s it! Gotta give it a go!”

    THAT would have to be my favourite line ever! ๐Ÿ™‚

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